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Monday, March 26, 2018

On Sex Positivity, Masturbation & Other Taboos


A year-and-a-bit ago, I decided my YouTube channel & content had become stale with "2nd-channel-worthy" content. There was nothing new or different bringing people back to my platforms, and I was generally disheartened with the kind of subjects I was talking about.

I announced the shift in content in a very spontaneous video called We Need To Talk, which went on to become one of the single most raw videos I have ever posted on the internet. It changed everything.

I was torn between being myself or being "marketable".

Spoiler alert: What makes you marketable is, unsurprisingly, being yourself.

The first time I uploaded a video in which I talked about sex, I honestly felt sick with nerves. I had to drink 2 cups of coffee to give myself the energy & confidence film, talk myself into editing it together and then mustering the proverbial balls to publish the video. How I Lost My Virginity stands as the single most viewed video on my channel, currently at 1.7 million views.

The really honest truth is that making videos spreading sex positivity isn't always the most positive experience for me. Sexual topics attract a certain niche of people who are not watching my videos with an open mind, nor are they there to have open discussions. There's a tremendous amount of slut shaming that happens in my comments section, but I am willing to block users and delete comments when it's necessary. Talking openly and positively about sex, masturbation and relationships is far too important to let a few close-minded individuals stop me from spreading comfort when it comes to talking about these "taboo" subjects.

I've always been very comfortable with talking to my friends about masturbation. As soon as I discovered (and had access to) sex toys, it became a common topic of conversation with my nearest and dearest. However, talking openly and honestly about sex is also what made me realise that most people aren't comfortable talking about sex. I found that more often than not, it's not about valuing privacy (which is fine - you absolutely shouldn't feel pressured to share the intricacies of your sex life if you don't want to), but more about the fact that they were too uncomfortable to even explore it for themselves.

I lost my virginity at 15 and didn't have an orgasm during sex until I was 22. That's 7 years of sex without orgasms. I faked orgasms for years on end because I genuinely felt like there was something wrong with me, and it really frustrates me to think that all of this could have been avoided if I had just reclaimed power over my own pleasure sooner.

That's why I talk about this online.


I talk about sex because we all deserve to be taken into consideration during sex. We all need to know our own bodies well enough to communicate what works to our sexual partners. We all deserve the freedom and comfort within ourselves to explore our bodies and really get to know them without feeling shameful for doing so, or wanting to do so.

That's not to say that you have to. I fully appreciate that this kind of content isn’t for everyone. What’s important to me in terms of my sexuality is not the absolute truth and it doesn’t mean that you are “wrong” if you don’t agree with me. All sex (or no sex) is amazing if that’s what makes you happy.

I will never feel shame for talking about sex. I receive messages every day from people that have felt empowered and had their inner shame lifted after watching me talk openly about topics surrounding sex and relationships. For as long as I continue to inspire people to reclaim power over their own pleasure, I will not stop. I won't stop sharing and educating. I won't feel embarrassed to reveal my thoughts and feelings. I won't be ashamed to be vulnerable with you.

I've curated a Sex & Relationships playlist for all my sex-related content so that you can find it all in one place. Grab a cup of your favourite coffee, tea or hot chocolate - it's gonna be a ride.

If you have a problem with my content, you're more than welcome to not watch it. Sex positivity is about embracing your wants & needs and demanding to be comfortable. If watching my content or talking about your sexuality makes you uncomfortable, that's okay. You need to do what is right for you.
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